Extended Families

My children have a new half brother. His name is Owen Frazier Miller. The beautiful back-story to this is, he is the new child to Dan and Liz, my ex-husband and his wife. Now, to be honest, when the rumblings began about Dan and Liz actually trying to have a child, I went through some stereotypical emotions of an ex-wife…“oh he is getting to do a do-over, he gets to start a new family but I don’t because I am too old to have a child, typical older man with a new younger wife” But, I believe, that every moment in my life has given me gifts of understanding and insight…and this glorious experience includes many.

First, Liz, has never had a child. Do I really want to judge her for something I have already had the amazing fortune to do? Liz is a person following her own life path. When you find the person you love, it is a natural step for many to have children. Can you imagine having negative energy toward one of life’s most precious gifts?

Second, my children and their well-being is something that is always part of my heart. I see my role as supporting Caitlin and Eli as they discover their gift of another sibling. I envision sharing cute pictures and funny stories in the years to come.

Though I had a momentary hiccup of being in that nasty place of judgment and blame….I came out the other side recognizing that it wasn’t about me….it was about Dan and Liz.

So the journey of becoming pregnant began and I can honestly say, that when the news came last spring that they were pregnant, I was genuinely happy and excited for everyone…Dan, Liz, Caitlin, Eli and the rest of our extended family.

Before Owen was born two loving things happened. First, Liz asked me to be the “spare parent” or “God Parent” for Owen. If something were to happen to both Liz and Dan, I was asked to be his parent. Liz felt it would be important for Owen to be near his siblings if something were to happen to them. I was truly surprised and honored to be asked and accepted this important responsibility with joy. Second, Frazier, my step-father, was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor in September. No one really knows how long he will live, but it is going to kill him within months. Dan, who is still very close to my family, was devastated, like all of us, about the news. He and Liz decided to ask my family’s permission to make Owen’s middle name Frazier, in honor of my father. Every time I think about it my eyes well up in tears. My family was touched and everyone I asked consented and cried tender tears of sadness and joy.

So, Owen Frazier Miller was born on February 8, 2011. He is a BIG beautiful boy that I am so grateful to have part of my life. But, what do I call him? What does he call me? I want a new word or phase invented that defines our relationship. I want the new word or phrase to capture love and beauty in the connection I hope we will have. So I went to my trusty thesaurus to find some words…

Person-human-individual-one

Connected-linked-allied-interconnected

Forever-eternal-evermore-without end

Village-world-global-community

Relation-relative

Grown up-adult

Child

Gift-treasure-precious

So I haven’t found a fit…maybe it should be a symbol like Prince…no words, just a beautiful symbol of love and devotion.

Peace

Happy Un-anniversary To Me

Today is the beginning of my very first blog…and I am celebrating something very important…my UN-anniversary. On February 22, 1986 I was a young 20 year old bursting with love, hopes and dreams. This was the day I married the man I was to spend the rest of my life with, Dan Miller. That dream did not happen, but this is what did…

1. I had two glorious children who I am incredibly proud of and admire. I am in awe of the wonderful human beings they have become.

2. I fulfilled my goals of becoming a wife, a mother, and a teacher.

3. I ventured out into the world of living overseas.

4. I was given the gift of another family, my in-laws.

5. I created many beautiful memories with family and friends.

Dan and I divorced in July of 2004. It was definitely the most difficult and heartbreaking time of my life. But this is what happened…..

1. I became ‘me’ in a sense that I had never done before.

2. I recognized my true worth.

3. I awakened my beliefs and values.

4. I recognized that the most important and powerful things in life to me are compassion and connection…that they move me through my world.

5. I established a wonderfully different relationship with Dan, now my ex-husband and always the father of my children.

6. I became friends with a very caring woman, Liz, who is Dan’s wife.

So, today is a day that always brings reflection…and I am enormously grateful that I have lived my life as I have. I am very appreciative to have the relationship with Dan and Liz that I do. I also recognize that it is the graciousness and kind heart of Liz that has helped this become a reality.

I often get told that I have been “extraordinary” in how I have handled my life since my divorce, but in my heart I do not believe that. I believe that in this world, everyone does the best they can at every moment. If I keep that in my heart always, there is much less pain and an open heart of the beautiful things to come…

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing
and rightdoing there is a field.
I'll meet you there.

Rumi

Happy UN-anniversary to me