Overseas Connections

CONNECTION
The basic human need to belong to our world. Connection gives us joy, validation, purpose, perspective, awareness of our place in the universe,  and most of all...love.

Me
Most of my life choices are based on fulfilling the need of CONNECTION.

Rewind to 2000    

Beginning the Life Overseas

My first official overseas post was teaching at the American School of Niamey in Niger. Because Niger is a small hardship post, your community becomes family in a short period of time. For four years, our large home was the gathering place for many expats. We had social events at our home almost every weekend. It was wonderful. It fed my most important need. I loved every minute of it.

Fast forward to 2004

 
Divorce-New Country-New School-New Life
I moved to Cairo, a large city, school and expat community, as a newly divorced single mom with two middle school children. My social circle was reduced to the three of us living in a small apartment. I was not single. I was not a couple. I did not fit any social circle. I would hear of social events and wonder why I was not invited. All of my colleagues were amazing, friendly, warm and giving people. But, the community was so large, everyone had their own well established smaller community circles. I was not on their 'radar' when it came to socializing. It was painful and lonely.

2005  

Creating a PEACE Curriculum in Our School
I was very lucky to be part of an amazing group of colleagues that were committed to bringing a "Peace Curriculum" to our school. The by-product of that experience transformed my life. I was lucky to spend 6 days listening to Marshall Rosenberg describe his practice of Non-Violent Communication. I gained a new perspective and clarity.

What I learned

• Everything we do is to meet a need. If we can recognize all actions and words as met or unmet needs, then we can eliminate or lessen our pain. 
• Remove judgment from my life. This is a tall order and I struggle everyday...but it is a goal. This is applied not only in judging others but also yourself. I do my best to not use the words RIGHT and WRONG.
• Observe not Analyze. All we really know are facts. We don't know what is behind the facts. We can assume, guess and analyze...but all we know for sure are facts.
• There are many strategies to meet needs. When we get in a 'need panic,' we see only one way to meet our needs, though all the other strategies are still available to us, we just don't recognize them.
• Empathy is one of the most challenging things one can do and most of us do not do it. Instead, we sympathize, give advice, problem solve or share our own problems.

CONNECTION is something that fills me with energy and my soul with love. It is what makes me, me. It was important for me to be invited to certain social gatherings. I used to take things very personally and feel sorry for myself, hurt and not worthy when I was not included. Non-Violent Communication brought light to my needs deficit thinking. Now my energy is spent feeling grateful and creating CONNECTIONS.

Today

I have a circle of friends and a wider circle of acquaintances, many of whom I would LOVE to spend more time with. Sometimes I am invited to gatherings and sometimes I am not. That is a fact. It doesn't matter why, it just is. All I know is, I was not invited. I do not spend any time or energy analyzing why. What once would have sent me into a pity party, I now embrace as a gift. I recognize no one is NOT inviting me to create pain in my life.

I have CONNECTION in my life. It is just as important as always, but it is not connected to my self worth AND I meet my need for CONNECTION in many ways.

PEACE

 

Normal? Thankful.

I am heading home to Oregon, as I do every summer. This year I will be including some firsts. It will be the first time that one or both of my kids are not traveling home with me. I am going home to visit them. Our family has matured, and I have an empty nest. Caitlin and Eli are fledgling adults finding their way through college, jobs and life. Surprisingly, I have transitioned to an empty nest much easier than I would have guessed. I keep wondering if I should feel more sad or lonely. Is there something wrong? Is this normal?

I am also going home for my first summer without my father. He died July 2, 2011. His death was a brutal withering away of a strong minded giving human that was tragic to witness. I am thankful for every extra moment we all had with him...tragic or not. My life since his death has been full, busy, reflective and different. I keep wondering...When am I going to breakdown and be a mess with grief....so sad that I can not move? I wondered if my visit in December would be when it would all come crashing down. It didn't. Have I really truly grieved? Am I putting my grief away somewhere? Is this normal?

As the school year ends, my conclusion is.....Yes, this is normal....this is normal because I am happy. I am happy because I am so grateful for so many things in my life.

What am I grateful for?

My father, who had terminal cancer, died at a wonderfully convenient time for me and my family. Being a teacher, I was home for the summer.  I was there one month before his death, the two weeks of hell while he was dying and for the first month of his absence. I wonder if he secretly did this on purpose. What a gift of time I was given to share with my father and family.

My children are healthy, finding happiness and challenged by life in many ways. It is a joy to see them navigate their path. I am so grateful to my family who are nearby to support them when they need it. That is the one area I try desperately not to feel too guilty about....relying on my family to guide my children in my absence as I work overseas.

My job is aligned with my own values and allows me to explore being the teacher I want to be. I have never been so fulfilled, valued and challenged as I am now. I am growing personally and professionally. I am a different teacher. I am a happy teacher. I am a confident teacher. I am learning teacher.

My friends and colleagues are those that I trust and value beyond comprehension. Life has taught me many lessons. One that has guided me more and more is to cherish, value and nurture the relationships you have. Leave your ego and let your heart open to the gift of love. I have many gifts of love that I am grateful for.

I am guessing my glass half full attitude has kept me in a place of balance and peace. For that I am grateful. I love my life. So I guess I am normal.....for me.....